Story #2217

So, we had some big time nerds in my platoon, I considered myself a fucking nerd, but even I don’t compare to these guys. Oddly enough, they were least problematic privates too. Anyways, we find out one is a brony. What should we do? Like any logical human being, we found someone from the outside send him a little pony doll! I get my friend to agree to sending him a pony, everything’s in motion. What could go wrong?

One day, a few others and myself get called to battalion. Apparently, we’re all receiving packages and mail there and there only. Which is strange as fuck since we always received mail in the bay. Once I get down there, I got a package. It’s from PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA. I don’t know shit about My Little Pony, but I’ll take a wild guess that where the show takes place. Here’s the catch, it’s addressed by name to Private Brony, but roster number to me. Fuck. FUCK. FUCK!! My friend done fucked up! I quickly point this out to my DS who already suspects something is up, but tells me to send down Private Brony to pick up the package. I double time it, get him, bring him down, and hideout in the stairwell and watch him open it in the company area in front of our SDS.

This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for, he opens it, and immediately freezes. I can’t hear what exactly he’s saying to our SDS, but it sounds like he’s pleading for his life…. but SDS just shakes his head, mildly facepalms and points him away. What that’s it. I ask him, “What’s going on? What happened?” He knows I’m behind it and I didn’t even bother hiding it. He says he has to go to the office and talk to the other DS’s. (Yes! Now they have to… I don’t know, do something! I owe my friend $10 [+s&h] now!) He gets the PG, knocks, they go in… they come out. Private Brony has a mile long smile and PG is continuously facepalming. “What the fuck happened???” He places it in his locker, brushes it hair for a second, and triumphantly says, “Thanks for the free pony.” Apparently, not only did our SDS have no words for him, neither did each DS! SDS told him to go to one of the DS to sort this shit out, and the neither DS didn’t have a SINGLE fuck to give for the shit baggery that unfolded. For the rest of the cycle, he cherished that pony, took care of it, brushed it, and since he was my neighbor, took any chance to rub it in my face. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to get it mailed at the end when DS’s don’t give a fuck so long we don’t do some bullshit that stops us graduating or from having all our equipment cleaned and turned in, but we also wanted the least lash back in case shit did hit the fan.

Either way, this was the story of the brony, who against all odds, got away.