Story #2222

Not a DS story, but still a good memory. This takes place during my time at Artillery School. It’s a well known fact that Pvt. K is a dirty SOB who refuses to wash himself, insisting that his “aroma” is natural and everyone has to deal with it. He is only interested in getting out of the Army due to being bounced around MOS training after his initial failure and because of his color blindness which I didn’t think they allowed people in with. Anyway his battle buddies have tried everything from spraying him with body spray to stuffing him into the shower by force, however it seemed like nothing worked. Until SSG W got involved. I happened to be by the CQ desk when Pvt K was pulled aside and semi quietly reprimanded by SSG W for being a “greasy mother fucker who’s stench was so rancid that he obviously couldn’t be trusted with the responsibility of wiping his own ass” and was promptly instructed to unfuck himself or he would be practicing shower drills with the guy in the battery who had starred in SNM porn videos in the past. Fast forward a few days we’re all in formation waiting to go to chow and whatever happened inside Pvt K walks out the front door with SSG W screaming his first name at him ordering him to stop. K keeps going for a bit before he stops and doesn’t move or make any response to the verbal assault. After he realized that yelling general insults is going nowhere, SSG W pulls out a picture of a little boy and says” this is my son Pvt K, I go home with your stench on me and his poor little nose has to go to war with it. Do you want to hurt my son Pvt K? Should I bring him here so I can point you out to him and tell him you are the reason I come home smelling like big foots balls and a freshly gangbanged hippy slut at Burning Man combined? I will gladly get a pro mask, walk out onto that field, grab a handful of fresh goose shit, stuff it in there and tape it to your face so you feel and smell what you’ve brought on the rest of us.” This was all said right in front of most of the formation, after a while Pvt K reluctantly went back inside and I didn’t see him again.