Story #2291

Fort Leonard Wood, MO 2007

On the nights where one of the Platoon Drill Sergeants had CQ duty, we were required to not only pull fire guard (and unfortunately suicide watch) but CQ detail as well.

My battle buddy and I were instructed to dust, sweep, and mop the entire CQ office (to include the DS’s latrine, SDS office, and offices of the 1SG and CO). We were warned to not open the closet in the SDS’s office

We quickly began cleaning in hopes we would get everything done within the hour and get cleared so we could go back up to our bay and get back to sleep. Luckily about 45 minutes through our shift, our DS said she was going to do rounds and that once we were done, we could head back to our bay.

We finished our cleaning and put everything away. Before we left we decided that we had to know what was in that closet.

We walked into the SDS office and quickly decided it was a bad idea. We turned around and started to head out of his office. As we began exiting the CQ office, we decided to turn back around. We walked back into the SDS’s office and flipped on the light. Again, we decided against it. We turned off the light, exited the office, exited the CQ office, and began to head up one the stairs. Upon reaching the first landing, we turned back around, entered the CQ office, entered the SDS’s office, flipped the light switch, and walked to the closet. I placed my hand on the handle of the closet and we chickened out again. So we turned off the light, left both offices and went back up the steps. Right before entering our bay, we decided to go back. We went down the steps, into the CQ office, into the SDS office, turned on the light, walked up to the closet, reached out for the door, and opened it.

Inside the closet stood a large purple gorilla. We turned around ran out of the SDS’s office, out of the CQ office, up the steps, and into our bay. We ran as fast as we could but the Purple Gorilla kept gaining speed and got closer and closer. My battle buddy slipped and fell and before I could get back to help, the gorilla was standing over her. He reached out, poked her, and said TAG YOU’RE IT!

Yes, of course this story was fake (although the post and year are true) but I hope it lured you in somewhat and gave you a laugh. Some will hate it and that’s ok! Happy Thanksgiving!